Jock Cheese: Platter

Shock Records – BRIE 001..

Beat Magazine, Wednesday January 22nd 2003:

Press release (online here):

Australian Rock Star Jock Cheese, bass-guitarist with legendary band TISM has shocked both his fellow band members and the Australian music buying public by admitting that he has released a solo album but denied he was a splitter and said it was for research reasons. He wanted to see if anyone would buy it.
The bass-guitarist took the unusual step of issuing a public statement of apology for releasing the album after a report in the street press said Cheese’s name was on a list of seven thousand names of bass-guitarists and drummers who had released solo albums after being told by the band’s management that no, they couldn’t have more than one of their songs on the album.

After years of speculation about the identity of the musicians responsible for recording TISMs many albums Cheese emerged from his home to announce that he had indeed released a solo album but had done so because he was researching how best to lead a campaign against solo albums.

Standing on the doorstep of the Spanish villa previously occupied by “a close relative” the bass-guitarist said “I think most solo albums are appalling (but mine is quite good). I want to clear my name. To fight against solo albums you have to know about the torturous existence that being part of the rhythm section entails. I have been involved in a campaign to stop solo albums but it fizzled out. Honest.”

“I think I may have been sexually abused as a child… yes, that’s it… how else could you explain wearing a hood for all these years… and I got involved in fiddling about with the portastudio and the next thing you know…”

In a fuller statement later, he said “On one occasion I used a credit card
to enter a site advertising CDs I did this purely to see what was there. Oh, ok – I bought a solo album. It was by Alan White the drummer from Yes and it was really horrible. I spoke informally to a friend who said he knew a good lawyer and reported what I’d seen. Unfortunately I haven’t been able to get Gary on the phone recently as he seems to have moved on from his last known address in Phnom Peng.”

Cheese insisted that some of the album had been recorded at Scotland Yard studio and that the Police had prior knowledge of his activities.
Sting was unavailable for comment.

An east-coast tour is planned in next few months.