Jock Cheese: Platter

Shock Records – BRIE 001..

Beat Magazine, Wednesday January 22nd 2003:

Press release (online here):

Australian Rock Star Jock Cheese, bass-guitarist with legendary band TISM has shocked both his fellow band members and the Australian music buying public by admitting that he has released a solo album but denied he was a splitter and said it was for research reasons. He wanted to see if anyone would buy it.
The bass-guitarist took the unusual step of issuing a public statement of apology for releasing the album after a report in the street press said Cheese’s name was on a list of seven thousand names of bass-guitarists and drummers who had released solo albums after being told by the band’s management that no, they couldn’t have more than one of their songs on the album.

After years of speculation about the identity of the musicians responsible for recording TISMs many albums Cheese emerged from his home to announce that he had indeed released a solo album but had done so because he was researching how best to lead a campaign against solo albums.

Standing on the doorstep of the Spanish villa previously occupied by “a close relative” the bass-guitarist said “I think most solo albums are appalling (but mine is quite good). I want to clear my name. To fight against solo albums you have to know about the torturous existence that being part of the rhythm section entails. I have been involved in a campaign to stop solo albums but it fizzled out. Honest.”

“I think I may have been sexually abused as a child… yes, that’s it… how else could you explain wearing a hood for all these years… and I got involved in fiddling about with the portastudio and the next thing you know…”

In a fuller statement later, he said “On one occasion I used a credit card
to enter a site advertising CDs I did this purely to see what was there. Oh, ok – I bought a solo album. It was by Alan White the drummer from Yes and it was really horrible. I spoke informally to a friend who said he knew a good lawyer and reported what I’d seen. Unfortunately I haven’t been able to get Gary on the phone recently as he seems to have moved on from his last known address in Phnom Peng.”

Cheese insisted that some of the album had been recorded at Scotland Yard studio and that the Police had prior knowledge of his activities.
Sting was unavailable for comment.

An east-coast tour is planned in next few months.

2002.01.31: The Punter’s Club, Fitzroy

Beat Magazine, Wednesday February 6th 2002:

TISM
THE FAT THING
Punters Club

The hottest ticket in town? The evening latte set were not amused with a wall of people that stretched from Punters up Bruns st blocking the unawares from coffee. The sun had hardly set and the band room was close to full, atmosphere was on high, expectation.

The Fat Thing may be the original two dollar Ballarat band but were worth their weight in expensive substance tonight. Benny Hill sax stylings took the charge from the outset with the songs Country Joe and Jesus. Part Ska and part all of the above mixed with high energy and go-off sentiment of the Uni flavour were all wrapped in garbage bags for the avante-garde. Truck was a highlight and Romance Pants saw lead singer immerse himself in the crowd for much humour. The Fat Thing might not have played many gigs in the past number of years, but tonight they were indeed a tight unit and with original sounding material of eons ago, the sentiment still carried. Kev’s Carpark gave the listener an insight to the complex social network of the Ballarat bogon and his vehicle. Vocals were delivered with intensity and conviction aided by, at times, insane stylings of over-the-top-sax-murder. Awesome performance and a perfect lead up to TISM complete with inflated parachute to take over the stage. More.

With the small stage of The Punters and all members of TISM in formation this gig was always going to be special. The set kicked off with Truck. The sound tight, energy condensed and crowd doing the sardine-can-bounce. The old material never fails to entertain and gain sing a long momentum. New songs in the form of Real TV and Xtreme (sports I haven’t tried yet) were met with much enthusiasm and good vibe from a very keen crowd. All the songs delivered tonight were highlights as was the continual stage dive via Ron who went through a few changes of head gear. Diatribe could have gone anywhere with current events and the fact this would be one of the last gigs at Punters. Sentiment was brief but well felt. He’ll Never Be An Ol Man River sets crowd alight with delight and by this stage of proceedings Ron has lost his strides as well. TISM are demolition specialists, having done the Evelyn and POW over before renovations many years ago. This time taking the dust and muck built up in the ceiling above the stage and tearing it down to be further torn apart by crowd on edge. Encore featured the ol fav’s Defecate and I’ll ‘Ave Ya, leaving all on a high amongst the torn apart insulation. The local flavour of TISM is well complemented by the localism of Punters, combined with the support of The Fat Thing, this gig will be one to remember for many years to come.

DIETER KRAUS